An eye-opening clip on Arranged Marriages: What’s love got to do with it? Couples share the pros and cons…

Posted on: September 2, 2014

Have you ever wondered how ‘arranged’ marriages work?

We found a very interesting article and clip that provides great insight about ‘Arranged’ marriages work and the success rates of relationships that start off with the couple knowing very little about each other on their wedding day.  Some couples share how love emerges over time and solidifies their marriages.  Others also explain the pros and cons of  ‘arranged’ marriages and how they differ from ‘forced’ marriages which normally happen without the girls’ consent. Below is an excerpt from an article from The New York Times titled “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages” by JI HIYUN LEE.

************************************************************** WHETHER arranged marriages produce loving, respectful relationships is a question almost as old as the institution of marriage itself. In an era when 40 to 50 percent of all American marriages end in divorce, some marriage experts are asking whether arranged marriages produce better relationships in the long run than do typical American marriages, in which people find each other on their own and romance is the foundation.

Experts also ask whether there are lessons in how arranged marriages evolve that can be applied to nonarranged marriages in the United States. Among them is Robert Epstein, a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., and author of a new study, “How Love Emerges in Arranged Marriages.” He found that one key to a strong arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement at its start. The most important thing parents of the couple do, he said, is to “screen for deal breakers.” “They’re trying to figure out whether something could go wrong that could drive people apart,” Dr. Epstein said. Some couples who have entered into satisfying arranged marriages do attribute the success of their unions to the involvement of their parents.

A. J. Khubani was 25 in 1985 when his parents tried to get him to visit Inder Sen Israni and Maya Israni in Jaipur, India, friends of the Khubani family, and meet the couple’s daughter Poonam. “I just refused,” said Mr. Khubani, who was not keen on settling down because he had just started Telebrands, a company in Fairfield, N.J., that sells inventions via infomercials on late-night television. “I didn’t see why it was so important that I had to fly across the world to see one girl,” Mr. Khubani, now 52, remembered. Ms. Israni, now Mrs. Khubani, was not ready, either. At the time she was a soap opera star and rising Bollywood actress. Getting them to meet took some prodding: Mr. Khubani’s father, knowing that his son was going to Asia on business, offered to pay his way if he stopped in Jaipur. The young man and woman both relented, with the casual assumption that they would just please their parents “and that would be the end of it,” Mrs. Khubani said. When they finally met, neither was impressed. Mrs. Khubani recalled, “It wasn’t love at first sight at all.” Love did not kick in until Mr. Khubani became sick and the young woman he had just met stayed by his bedside to care for him. “Nobody understood his accent because he was so American,” she said, and so she was his translator. For Mr. Khubani, her caring and elegant manners sealed the deal. “Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said. They have been married for 27 years.

Arranged marriages can work “because they remove so much of the anxiety about ‘is this the right person?’ ” said Brian J. Willoughby, an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. “Arranged marriages start cold and heat up and boil over time as the couple grows. Nonarranged marriages are expected to start out boiling hot but many eventually find that this heat dissipates and we’re left with a relationship that’s cold.” He also credited supportive parents.

For the full article click here. *********************************************************

Couples share their experiences in the clip below! Thanks for stopping by today and don’t forget to leave a comment, LIKE us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!

Take Care,

WedlockGist

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